Catch Me, I'm Falling
by itsallinyourhead
Summary: Logan's reality is unraveling. James is there to catch him.


Okay, so here is the deal. I'm not much of a writer. So bear with me. This story is meant to accompany a graphic that I made for Tumblr. It was kind of inspired by the Broadway musical "Next to Normal." So yeah. Enjoy!

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><p>It was happening again. The doctors said that they had figured it out for sure that she would never come back again. Or at least for a very long while. Three years was not a long while as far as he was concerned.<p>

It had been a normal morning for Logan. He had woken up, used the restroom, and taken a shower. It wasn't until he had gotten out and wiped down the mirror on the medicine cabinet that he heard the first faint whisper that was all too familiar.

Logan looked around the room, eyes wide. She was supposed to be gone. They had fixed him, and she was not supposed to be there anymore.

"It's a fluke. I'll be fine. I'm just psyching myself out." Logan said aloud, holding the gaze of his reflection in the mirror.

Slowly, he made his way back to his room. He tried to relax but the harder he tried, the more his body became alert. His mom was gone. She was never coming back. He wouldn't _let _her come back.

Logan concluded that he should maybe surround himself with people. She wouldn't show herself in front of people. That wasn't the way that she worked.

"Not that she's coming back," Logan thought to himself. "This is just a precaution."

Making his way to the living room in their apartment at the Palm Woods, Logan saw James stretched out on the couch watching TV. A feeling of comfort washed over him at the thought of James. James was strong. He was a rock. He was safe. Sure, Logan loved Kendall and Carlos just as much, but James had been with Logan from the very beginning. James was home.

"Hey there, Chipmunk. you want to grab me a Coke from the fridge?" asked James, not taking his eyes off of whatever mindless cartoon he was watching.

Normally, Logan would argue a bit before giving in. Come up with some sort of Judaism-based comeback in response to being called a small woodland creature. But today he just didn't feel like it. As he looked at James, the feeling of comfort dissolved. James was Logan's foundation, but deep down, Logan knew that he could never return the favor. Logan knew that he was damaged goods. No one wanted to build their life around a crazy kid.

"Focus on the task at hand, Logan," he told himself. "Don't let anything else distract you."

So he walked to the refrigerator, targeting the Coca-Cola through the see-through door, and grabbed a can from the bottom shelf. He perused the other contents of the fridge before deciding he wasn't hungry. Logan closed the door and turned around. When he looked up, he froze.

"Honey, what are you doing? You can't drink soda for breakfast."

She was smiling, that kind smile that could light up a room. Her soft voice, which could warm a person inside and out, did nothing but fill Logan's stomach with a black hole. He wanted to scream, but no sound would leave his throat.

"Did you miss me, baby?" she asked, as she walked across the room. She looked down at him, and grabbed his hand.

"What are you doing here?" Logan whispered, barely audible.

"I'm sorry I left, but Mommy's here now," she said, kissing him on the cheek, causing bile to rise in his throat. "I'm not going to leave you again. I promise."

"No," he said a little louder, causing James to tear his eyes away from the television. "_No_."

"Why won't you just leave me alone? You aren't real. _You're dead._" Logan cried, dropping the Coke can as he took a step back, bumping into the refrigerator.

"Logan?" James' eyes were full of worry as he addressed his friend. He had risen from the couch and was making his way over to where Logan stood.

"She's here, James," he whispered, "She came back. They said she wouldn't, but she did."

"Logan, no one is here but me." James said firmly grasping Logan's arms, looking the boy in the eyes.

"I have to get out of here." Logan said, his voice cracking with hysteria. "I have to go where she can't find me."

With that he took off in the direction of the door, knocking over whatever blocked his path, including James. He had to leave that apartment, and fuck all if he wasn't going to make it out of there.

"Logan, where are you going?" James yelled after him. "_Logan!_"

He couldn't hear a word James was saying. All he could hear was her voice.

"Don't run too far, Logie! Stay close to the room."

The hallway was quiet and empty, the only sound was that of Logan's panting. He ran as fast as he could, keeping his eyes shut. She would be there if he opened them. He knew it.

"Just keep running," Logan told himself. "Don't open your eyes."

And that is exactly what he did. He ran, as far as he could, as fast as he could, arms outstretched, letting his feet direct him. He only opened his eyes when he had to, and each time she would be there, smiling warmly at him like mothers do.

Finally, when he couldn't run any farther, he opened his eyes. He took in his surroundings, listening for any sign of her. He was in one of the larger storage closets near the basement.

He found a folding chair in the corner and set it up with his back to the door. Sitting down, he pulled his knees to his chest and began rocking back and forth. He couldn't let this happen again. Not now, not when his life was going so well. He had to stay strong, to make up his mind that she couldn't stay.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" she asked, concerned. He could feel her put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in a reassuring way. He knew that if he looked up, he would meet her big brown eyes.

"You can't do this." he told her, his voice cracking, not able to lift his head from his knees. "Just leave me alone."

He could hear the doorknob jiggling, and someone entered the room. He could feel their presence moving slowly towards him. Flinching, he hugged his knees tighter to his chest.

"There you are," James sighed, "Don't worry, Logie, it's just me."

Logan lifted his head ever so slightly.

"I can see her again," he breathed. "James, she standing right there."

"I know," James whispered back. He came around the chair and kneeled, so that he could look Logan in the eyes. "We got her to leave once, and we can get her to leave again."

"She said that she was going to stay this time," muttered Logan. "She's going to stay, and I'm going to fall into a pit of blackness and I'll never land. I'll just keep falling and falling and nothing will be there to stop me."

James looked at the smaller boy, trying to figure out what say, and how to say it. He took Logan's hands in his and squeezed them.

"I'll be there." said James sincerely. He took Logan's hands and brought them to his lips, giving them a gentle, reassuring kiss. "I'll catch you."

James stood up, pulling Logan with him.

"Come on. We need to go talk to Mrs. Knight." Logan nodded at James' statement. As much as he didn't want anyone else knowing about what was happening, he knew it was something that had to be done. He looked up at James and wanted to say a million different things, but he couldn't put any of them into words. Finally he just settled on clinging to James.

"Thank you for catching me." he whispered, as James held him closer.

"How could I not?" James answered back into Logan's hair. "That's what you do for people you love."

"I love you too," Logan smiled for the first time that day. As long as James was there, he knew that everything would be okay. That he would be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But _someday_ he would be just fine.

"No," he thought. He would be better than fine. He would be perfect. Perfect for James.


End file.
